Battle As Old As Time Itself
New Jersey has a few perks. One of them is the great breakfast meat we all love and enjoy. Some call it Taylor Ham. Others call it Pork Roll. Great debates and great fights have gone off between those who call it different things. George Washington didn’t cross the Delaware River to fight the British, he crossed the Delaware River to fight people who called it Pork Roll. The fact they were British was an added bonus.
The great Taylor Ham or Pork Roll debate is almost as bad as the great Bruce Springsteen or Bon Jovi debate of 1988. Springsteen obviously won (and we should use him for a goal song), but they were dark days. I still recall my grandfather telling me the horror stories of trench warfare on the Garden State Parkway.
Those who fought for Springsteen emerged victorious, while the enemy Bon Jovi fans were exiled to Sayreville. Friends became enemies, enemies became friends, and lines were drawn. It was like the Civil War, but no one had to pump their own gas. We lost a few good men, but they didn’t go out in vain. They did if for Bruce.
Enter New Jersey’s Hockey Team
The New Jersey Devils have largely been neutral and benevolent in this fight, until now. Yesterday the team announced that Taylor Ham or pork roll sandwiches will be available throughout Prudential Center. The jersey delicacy will be available throughout March.
Fans can also “vote” for if it’s Taylor Ham or pork roll and wear a button proudly displaying their choice. There’s only one right choice and it’s Taylor Ham. If you vote “pork roll,” I’ll look at you with pity as you gallivant throughout the arena concourse with that scarlet letter of heathenry.
Seriously, you’re going to vote for if it’s Taylor Ham or pork roll? Why not vote if the sky is blue or purple? Or if water is wet? If Marty or Montreal reject Patrick Roy was better?
Prepare Yourselves For The Aftermath
There’s no way I see this ending well. I fully expect Johnny Gaudreau and Kyle Palmieri to fight about this when the Devils host the Calgary Flames on March 19th. Palmieri is from North Jersey, where it’s rightfully called Taylor Ham. Gaudreau is from the sad, misguided and confused southern part of the state that calls it pork roll. Gloves will be dropped, punches will be thrown, and maybe one of them will go full Robbie Ftorek and throw a bench.
I don’t see this ending well, but I’m going to enjoy the fight. I’ll be sitting on the fence watching as the fight rages on, enjoying a Taylor Ham, egg and cheese sandwich while everyone else battles it out. I will fight for the right to call it Taylor Ham with every chance I get. Maybe if this goes well, the Devils will host a “does Central Jersey actually exist?” game next season.