A Guy’s Guide to Watching the Devils
In light of the popular article published recently by another franchise, I felt that in the spirit of fair and balanced journalism there should be a Guy’s Guide to watching hockey. Because let’s face it, you’re not a real man if you’re not watching some sports, RIGHT FELLAS?? Plus with football ending next week (total bummer dudes) you’ll need a sport to keep yourselves occupied. So may I present to you: The Guy’s Guide to Watching The Devils.
1. They punch each other in the FACE!
Look guys, there’s nothing we love more than feats of strength testing one man’s bravado against another’s. It’s what makes us who we are! Who is that alpha male? Who can dominate one guy over another? Well hockey is great for that! It’s the only sport where fighting is part of the game! You throw down with your opponent and then punch each other so hard that eventually the other guy passes out and you’re standing above him like the victorious lion over the gazelle. That’s MANLY!!
2. LOUD NOISES!!
The music is loud, the hitting of bodies against the boards is thunderous, and when the home team scores a horn goes off that amazingly triggers that part in your brain that makes you yell “YEAH!!” to the highest decible your human anatomy can do. Because how else would we be able to react to something happening if not for some jarring noise to illicit a proper reaction. THIS ISN’T SOCCER!!
3. Beer Is Sold at the Games
I mean really… BEER!! Need I say more??
4. Bro Hugs
There’s nothing more fun than when that puck finally goes into the net and giving your best bud a hug in celebration. They do it on the ice so it’s completely and totally cool and not weird at all. I mean they do it right there in front of 15,000 people. That’s not bad right? No? Alright! YEAH!! So be sure to break out your best celly and give you best bro a high five and a bro hug.
So there you have it. Just a little starter kit to get you into the wonderful sport of hockey. So pop open a cold one, sit down in YOUR favorite chair, relax in the man cave and get ready to enjoy the coolest game on earth – NHL Hockey!
Note: If you didn’t think this was satirical or sarcastic, please look up what that means.